Screw Dennis Miller, I must Rant

January 29, 2009

I don’t think I’ve ever been more flabbergasted with what I’ve seen on television, as I have been this week. I watched both RAW and TNA this week and left both shows completely shaking my head. If I were to shake my head any harder I’d probably end up with a worse neck than Kurt Angle.

While Impact was by far the worst of the two shows (it may have been the worst wrestling program ever) RAW was, perhaps more importantly, far more counter productive. Raw had a ton of momentum going into this weeks show. The heavy angle last week with Vince and Randy Orton was AWESOME. Randy was fantastic in every regard last week (as he has been since his return) and he was really coming off as the true Star in WWE. Kicking Vince in the head last week was an “Oh My God” moment like no other. It looked great, put a ton of heat on Orton, and left everyone thinking, what next. They then followed up with Orton winning the Royal Rumble and making Randy the most important player in the company.

I tuned in Monday to see what possible explanation they could come up with to justify Randy’s continued employment in WWE after almost killing the Owner. They opened the show with another AWESOME performance by Randy Orton, and even managed to deliver an out, I could accept and buy into. The promo was great and Randy came out with even more heat than he had the week before, which I didn’t think was possible. Through out the show they replayed the kick of death countless times and it just kept getting better and better.

At the end of the show when Randy threatened to file an injunction and shut down WrestleMania and actually begged Stephanie McMahon to fire him, Randy was the greatest and hottest heel I’ve seen in ages. This was so unbelievably tremendous!

Then… then… then the show fell off a cliff, crashed and burned, and died a painful miserable death. Shane McMahon came to the ring and beat the living shit out of all three members of Legacy. Yes Shane McMahon, the non-wrestling character, office working son of the boss, single handedly destroyed the newly created hottest heel in the company in a one on three situation.

You could have dropped this angle in liquid nitrogen and it wouldn’t have lost heat this fast. I genuinely like Shane, he’s a great guy and a lot of fun to be around, but there is no way in hell this man should be even a physical blip on Randy Orton’s radar screen, let a lone beating the hell out of him. The only way this could have worked is after the first time Priceless pulled Shane off Randy; Orton punted him in the head too.

And that’s not even the worst of it. Even if it had been the Undertaker (The longest standing WWE bad ass) who came out to beat up Orton, it still would have been WRONG. This angle started LAST WEEK. WrestleMania is 2 months away and Orton has only had heat for 1 week. NOBODY should be getting one up on him this early under any circumstances. My interest in this angle went from 20 out of 10 to 2 out of 10 in less than 10 minutes. That may be a new record in counter productivity, I hope they can salvage it next week but to be honest I’ve got so little interest in it now, I’m not even sure I’ll be watching next week. THUMBS DOWN.

Okay now onto to TNA Impact, which I think may have been the worst wrestling show I’ve ever seen, despite actually having a fair bit of wrestling on it. The only reason I thought RAW was more counter productive than this show was that RAW was actually great and had heat starting out. TNA is TNA and if stupidity made you tune out you’d have stopped watching a long time ago.

The only entertainment Impact provided me this week was hysterical laughter during Scott Steiner’s ring introductions. When he introduced the Kong-tourage as Kong-Fucious (I think that’s what he said) I almost fell off my couch. We learned 2 things from this introduction: 1) Scott Steiner does not watch the product and doesn’t know who any of these people are, and 2) The guy who wrote out the ring introductions for him has such poor penmanship that Scott Steiner couldn’t read his handwriting. Some might think he did it on purpose but he struggled so long trying to figure out what it said that there is just no way. Not to mention the fact that Nash corrected him right away.

Booker T and Kevin Nash on commentary was horrible. Booker who did almost all of the talking sounded like he was trying to do his best imitation of Don West imitating a fast talking auctioneer. He talked so fast with suck a gravelly voice I had no idea what he was saying. Both guys came off like they couldn’t give two shits about this show, so why should anybody else? The only reason I didn’t turn this show off was because I wanted to be able to write a rant about it once I’d seen it all.

The whole first hour on the show was a direct rip off of the angle WCW did when the NWO took over Nitro, which ironically enough holds the prestigious place in history as (I believe) the most unsuccessful wrestling show there ever was. That episode of Nitro made more people turn off the show than any other episode in history. If as many people tuned out during this week’s Impact as tuned out the first time this angle was done, TNA will actually end up with a negative number of viewers.

To make matters worse, once Foley showed up and took back the show things got dumber, although in a more subtle way. This show, for the um-teenth time in a row, COMPLETELY buried the Baby Faces. When the MEM was in charge of the show and booked matches in their favour, they completely dominated and squashed their opponents. ODB got Killed, Petey got killed, and the Refs got killed. Then when the tables were turned and all the matches gave the baby faces the HUGE advantage, the matches were competitive even contests. Even with the deck stacked in their favour these Baby Faces cant’ win.

Sting fought both Dudley’s and held his own and I think wend to a no contest. Abyss fought Scott Steiner in a match where he could use weapons and Scotty couldn’t yet it was an even battle and Abyss could not pin Steiner despite hitting him with several weapons. Then the real kicker, Kurt Angle faced both members of LAX (one of whom had just been awarded a World Title Shot) and BEAT THEM CLEAN. The baby faces in this company are the most useless tools in wrestling history.

A couple other nit picky points; showing footage from the UK trip was brilliant, the crowds looked awesome, but why did they have to show Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe? Both guys are “out” in story line, yet they were shown wrestling this past week. If they are healthy WHY AREN’T THEY ON THIS SHOW? The whole premise of this show was that the Mafia could take over because Foley wasn’t there and Jeff was still home healing from his beat down. If Jarrett is working live events why isn’t he doing his job running Impact?

Last but not least. When Cornette made the SURPRISE announcement that Booker T would face Shane Sewell at the PPV, Don West immediately piped in that Shane Sewell was fine with this and felt that he owed it to the rest of the referees to stand up for them. WHERE THE F--- DID HE GET THIS INFORMATION? He had no prior knowledge of this announcement, yet he already has knowledge about how one of the guys in the match feels about. Did referrer Shane Sewell telepathically alert Don West of his feelings?

Oh one last comment about WWE. Has anyone else noticed that WWE is promoting WrestleMania 25 as the 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania? Sounds great except that it’s only the 24th Anniversary of WrestleMania! Your wedding day isn’t your first anniversary. WrestleMania 2 would have been the first anniversary of WrestleMania so WrestleMania 25 is only the 24th Anniversary. Next year is the 25th. OOPS!!!!!!!!

Well I’m ranted out. BTW I plan to watch The Wrestler this weekend so I hope to have thoughts posted early next week.

Lance