Rating Internet Stooges and Dirt Sheet Writers

March 16, 2009

This is a reprint of an article I wrote back in June of 2001. It was on the heels of an issue I had with John Molinaro who wrote for Slam Wrestling back then, as well as the Infamous DVD Top 500 Workers list that I took exception to. The reason I am reposting it is that I was on The Drunk Cast on Friday with "Ed in San Antonio" and we some how got on the topic of this article and I received some requests to see it again. it may not be as funny with out the references of the time.

This week’s piece is a collaborative effort between Don Callis and myself. Collaborative in that we came up with the idea together. Being that he is a pain in the @$$ to pin down when it actually comes time to getting any work done, I took it upon myself to take it from here.

We know that there are a lot of people out there who read “Internet Stooge Reports and Dirt Sheets”, which is fine but for those select few who, thrive on and worship “Internet Stooges and Dirt Sheet Writers” we felt an obligation to grade said individuals so that both them and you alike could have a better understanding and appreciation of the complex art of “Internet Stooging and Dirt Sheet Writing”

Let me start out by stating that this grading system is a precise and accurate exact science. I looked into all aspects of “Internet Stooging and Dirt Sheet Writing” and after literally seconds, perhaps even minutes of close debate (with myself, which as you know is very objective) I have come up with the following, dead accurate grade results.

Dave Scherrer: (A+) Dave tops my list based on the Sherlock Holmes like investigative skill he used in cracking wrestling’s best kept secret. No not that wrestling is fake, the unbelievable RVD/420/High Times scandal. I know many have criticized Scherrer for almost single handedly destroying a promising career, but you have to respect his unparalleled investigative skills.

Bryan Alvarez: (B) This ranking may seem a bit high but anyone who can make a living critiquing and criticizing this industry and the workers there in, while still taking Indy booking deserves something. My only questions are: how does he find people that will book him and does he bring enough sour cream, to the matches, for all the potatoes he must receive while working?

Dave Meltzer: (C-) Some of you less enlightened souls may have thought Dave for a lock on the top spot, but lets be honest, He is protected by the huge marketing machine behind both The Observer and Eyada.com. He enjoys what lowly independent “Internet Stooges and Dirt Sheet Writers” can only dream about, that big Federation protection and the instant credibility that comes there in.

Jeff Marek: (D+) While his reporting may warrant a high grade, I had to bump him down based on his newly acquired, Paul Heyman esque, telephone etiquette. I’d elaborate but I’m about to go through a tunnel and will have to call you back!

Bob Ryder: (Grade pending) Bob delivered one hell of a “Hope Spot” with the Bret Hart signs with WCW/WWF. We’ll have to wait and see if his “Old WCW” influences are behind him and he can actually deliver a finish!

Wade Keller: (F) I have no real basis for this grade, but out of respect for Jim Cornette I figured I should fail him!

Jason Powel: (F) Jason wins the “National Inquirer’s Internet Stooge Dirt Sheet Writers Award for lack of integrity in writing” for knowingly writing false negative reports, that can be damaging to people’s careers, simply to drive web-traffic and to satisfy the source who fed him the falsehood.

John Molinaro: (F) For publicly insulting and criticizing “every” person he has ever interviewed in one article “Cyrus is Dead Wrong” John gets the “Biting the hand that feeds you award”. Good luck securing interviews in the future and feel free to forget my phone number and email address!

The DVD Guys: (F-) I have no criteria for ranking these guys dead last, but hey, I’ve read Internet Stooge reports and Dirt Sheets before, so I must know what I’m talking about. Who better to rank them than I!

Well that’s all for this week, I hope I have helped enlighten everyone and remember this list is not opinion or speculation it is, if I can borrow a phrase from “My Cousin Vinny”, “Dead on Balls Accurate!”

Till next week,
Lance Storm