September 17, 2007

After last week’s revelation that Hornswaggle is Vince McMahon illegitimate son, I thought it would be a great time to tell the story about how I almost became the illegitimate son of Eric Bischoff.

When I was first negotiating to join WCW back in the spring of 2000 I had my first meeting with Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo. This was during the Bischoff/Russo régime and I was flown to Atlanta to meet with both of them after first being contacted by Terry Taylor. We met in a large suite at one of the local Marietta hotels that I was told the office booked every week for Vince and Eric to meet and write Nitro and Thunder. Why they didn’t just work at the office is beyond me, I guess WCW just really liked spending money.

We introduced each other then sat down to discuss the possibilities of working together. Vince and Eric started promoting WCW and the opportunities I would enjoy working for WCW. This was a very cool experience for me because every other job I had gotten in wrestling I had to go out and try to get the job, where here they were actually trying to acquire me and were trying to convince me to join WCW. I guess with the rep WCW had for poor treatment of younger smaller talent (Jericho, Benoit, Eddie, etc. had all just left on fairly bad terms), they figured they would have to sell me on joining the company. I was looking for financial security at the time so all they really needed to do was ensure me my pay cheques wouldn’t bounce.

Russo was doing more of the creative end writing the shows so he started explaining his creative process and offering possibilities on what they might do with me, should I join WCW. The first idea out of his mouth was, “This is just off of the top of my head but what about making you Eric’s illegitimate son? You have that same arrogant cocky look on your face that he usually has.” This statement was a little unnerving. Is it good to have a cocky arrogant look on your face when trying to get a job? Russo continued that since Eric was a constant presence on TV, they could have him get into situation where wrestler would just about be ready to get their hands on him and I could come out of the crown to rescue him. There would be a big build up speculating on who I was and why I was coming to Eric’s aid. It would eventually be revealed that I was his illegitimate son.

I had mixed reactions to the idea, the first being that I absolutely hated it and I thought it was retarded (a common reaction of mine to Russo creativity), and the second being that a program involving Eric would be a Main Event type program and be great for job security and money. The reason I hated it most was that it made so little sense (a Russo strong suit) a lot of wrestling fans already knew who I was and this angle would be ignoring my entire wrestling background. I also thought Eric was a little too young to have had a son in 1969.

Eric didn’t seem too keen on the idea either, likely over the age issue and perhaps his wife not being to keen on the illegitimate son idea. The idea was left on the table with a few other minor things talked about and then Eric and I sat down and talked contract. Eric and I came to terms fairly quickly and then I was off to meet with the legal department to finalize the paper work. I headed home later that day wondering what the hell I was going to do if Vince Russo follows through and makes me Lance Bischoff.

Hating angles that don’t make sense like I do, I tried to come up with a means to logically explain how Lance Storm could end up being Eric Bischoff’s son, and have this information just come to light now. This is what I came up with.

If Eric had gone on a ski weekend in Banff (near Calgary) when he was in College (when he was maybe 18) and hooked up with a girl he met there. They had a one-night thing and he left heading back to the US and never heard from her again. Turns out the girl got pregnant and had me. She never told me who my Dad was nor Eric that he had a son; life went on from there as my life really did. I got into wrestling as Lance Storm worked Europe, Japan, ECW, etc. Mom never really watched wrestling only supporting me and watching my stuff. One day (spring of 2000) she happens to watch WCW and sees Eric on TV and goes…OH my God! She recognizes Eric as the guy she slept with back in Banff and sits me down to tell me who my father really is. Once I find out that ATM Eric is my Dad I head off to rescue dear old dad wanting to either connect with him or cash in on my newfound genetic connection.

Thankfully we never had to use this drawn out explanation, because at my first day of TV Eric pulled me aside and told me he managed to nix the illegitimate son idea, saying he was against it because he was already involved in too many TV programs as it was. I debuted instead beating up 3-Count and Lance Bischoff was not to be. Looking back it’s almost a shame we never did it, this could be a WrestleMania match: Eric and Lance Bischoff vs. Vince & Hornswaggle McMahon. Now that’s Money!!!! I guess it would also make Eugene my cousin…ah the possibilities.

Lance Storm-Bischoff