Christian

November28, 2006

This coming Sunday I’m making my in-ring return in Toronto to wrestle my old buddy Christian, so I thought it would be fun this week to take a look back and tell a few Christian road stories. Christian and I have known each other for over 10 years and have both teamed and faced each other numerous times in the ring. We were also travel partners for a couple years so we are pretty tight and I shouldn’t have any shortage of material.

This first story was from when we were teaming as the Un-American. We were traveling together at the time so it would have been after we were traded to RAW. I don’t remember the town we were in but it was a Live Event House Show. I’d remember the arena if I ever worked there again as I tend to remember the look of the locker room more than the towns we were in at the time. As I’ve talked about many times before, we have a lot more creative freedom at live events and we often like to entertain ourselves as much as the crowd in attendance. This was back when Christian used to wear the mesh shirts along with his tights. I was feeling a bit less serious than normal and asked him if he had both shirts with him (he had a black and a red one), because I thought it would be hilarious if I wore one too so we matched.

Christian reluctantly admitted that he had both with him but didn’t want to let me wear one, insisting that he wanted one clean for TV. After quite a bit of pressure from several of the boys (who no doubt thought I would look ridiculous in the thing and wanted to see me in it) Christian finally caved in and handed over the red mesh shirt for me too wear for the night. I put the thing on and of course looked ridiculous and to make it even worse it was extremely tight, I swear I was damn near losing feeling in my arms because the thing was so tight. Regardless of how stupid I looked or how uncomfortable I was, true to my word I wore the silly thing to the ring and for the duration of our match. I’m not sure what the live crowd thought of my new look; perhaps they thought the Un-Americans had some kind of new
G a y-P o r n gimmick going. I’ve never heard from anyone in attendance that night but I hope they enjoyed what can best be described as a one-time only Un-American wardrobe malfunction. If anyone out there has photos of the match please e-mail me copies!

I remember exactly where this next story took place it was on I-10 just east of Houston Texas. Again Christian and I were traveling together during our Un-Americans run. We flew into Houston, but had a house show in Beaumont, TX. When we landed in Houston we hit IHOP for a quick bite to eat (I had a Chicken Fajita egg white omelets) and then hit the gym before driving to Beaumont (about 100 miles). Christian was driving this trip and like most of the boys Christian tends to drive fairly fast, and about half way to Beaumont doing maybe 80 mph in the left most lane of I-10 I started feeling sick to my stomach and just had enough time to roll the window down quick before pucking my guts out all over I-10. Christian is nothing if not considerate to others so he continued doing 80 down I-10 while laughing at my discomfort. It wasn’t until I finished throwing up and pulled my head back in the car that he stated, “I guess I could pull over”. I found out after wards this was more because he was grossed out by the smell of vomit wafting back into the car once I was no longer hanging my head outside it.

We pulled over and I threw up one more time, and the ever considerate Christian even made me use the gas station squeegee to wash the vomit off the side windows so he could see better while driving the rest of the way to Beaumont. We figure I got food poisoning from the chicken omelets from IHOP and to make matters worse I still had to work that night. Christian and I worked APA that night and I was foolish enough to still take Ron Simmons’ spine buster, which thank God was the last bump of the night for me as it damn near killed me. It’s not that it’s a bad move or Ron doesn’t take care of you, it’s just that Ron is about 5 times as strong as a regular man and doesn’t fully realize.

My last story dates back to my first wrestling tour with Christian, which I think was back in 1995. Christian wasn’t even working the tour as Christian back then as he was very green still and Don Callis (who was booking at the time) liked to rib him. Don was using a huge mammoth of a man as Earl “The Orderly”. Earl wore hospital scrubs and was very large and not very talented. To help compensate for Earl’s lack of work rate Don decided he needed a sidekick who could carry the workload and Christian fit the bill. Don never one to pass up the chance to rib someone decided to Book Christian for the tour as “The Male Nurse” the hospital type sidekick to Earl “The Orderly”. Christian reluctantly agreed to the absurd gimmick under the condition that he got to wear a mask. I don’t recall if he just wore a hospital facemask type thing or a full wrestling mask, but it really doesn’t matter the important thing was that no one saw his face because he didn’t want anyone to know it was him. I’m quite sure he’s thrilled I’m bringing it up now.

During this TV taping everything in Lance Storm’s world was falling apart. Don Callis and Bad News Brown had screwed me several times and Chris Jericho (my long term partner on Winnipeg TV) had just turned heel on me and joined Callis and News. Christian had asked Don if he could have one match on TV as himself in order to get some TV footage he could us for promo tapes. Don agreed and decided to use Christian as a means to further my situation. Christian and I wrestled (our very first match together) what was basically little more than a squash match for me on TV. I gave Christian a couple spots to allow him to get some offense on tape but for the most part it was intended as a “get over match” for me. The twist in this match to further the Lance Storm “frustration” was that Christian, a complete nobody was going to get the upset win to send me into complete meltdown. After controlling virtually all of the match I put Christian in a Surfboard Submission hold, and while I was applying the hold the referee counted my shoulders down and awarded Christian the win.

This loss put me right over the edge and I started ranting about conspiracies, and how Don Callis (The Natural at the time) had screwed me, turned my best friend (Chris Jericho) against me and now referees were even screwing me. I completely snapped and started taking off all of my gear mid ring. I threw down all my gear; quit the business and storm off wearing nothing but socks and a pair of under tights. The following 2 weeks of TV I actually worked as a referee, having quit the business as a wrestler. This was a great TV taping (One I still haven’t been paid for) which unfortunately never aired. I believe, like myself, the TV people never got paid and never released the footage to air. It wasn’t until we were both in WWE doing the Invasion angle that Christian and I worked again and the first 5 or 6 times we worked in WWE Christian also got the win a fact he continually pointed out to me. He enjoyed having an undefeated streak against me and my only true recourse until I finally did beat him was to point out that losing to him was enough to make me quit the business.

With a history like this how can this coming Sunday’s match with Christian be anything but a “Must See” event? I don’t plan on wearing a mesh shirt, or eating any poultry at IHOP, and I seriously doubt there will be an appearance by the “Male Nurse, but I’m pretty sure Christian and I will find a way to make this a commentary worth event none the less. If you are interested in catching the match live this Sunday in Toronto checkout BSE for details: BloodSweatandEars.com

Till next Week,
Lance Storm